did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
