she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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