She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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