"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
