I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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