Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
