my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
