Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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