There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
