my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
