I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
