Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
