apparently the secret to your success is patron
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
