morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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