life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
