What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
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We should be called the Road Head Warriors
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he thought i was a dude.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
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