I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
