I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize