Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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