i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
