The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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