Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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