When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
