so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
