Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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