drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
