I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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