Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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