Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
