Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Couch. On fire.
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