I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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