is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
