So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize