he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Michael Bay diarrhea
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
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