the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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