So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
