i barfeds in our rink
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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