which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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