Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
