I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
