no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
did you just send me my own nude
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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