its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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