you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
