oh god the rape fog is back!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
