i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
