you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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