I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
