You just made me feel so damn special
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
