When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
