Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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