i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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