I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
