She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
