Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
