Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
