we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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