do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
