I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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