you will always have a special place in my vag
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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