WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
