Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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