the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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