what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
