During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
