I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
