Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
