I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
