My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
