so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
