it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
