He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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