I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
