Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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