Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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