It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
