he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
