cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
