there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
COCAINE IS GR8
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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