Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
