if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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