You work out of a Hotel?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
