I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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