No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
