I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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