Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
high people should be assigned attendants
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
