chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
