The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
